I have not offered up words here in a long time and I do now with some reluctance. There was a time when baring my inside to be viewed, read, and contemplated by others seemed to serve a purpose, a need. And then it suddenly became more reasonable to hide, to keep the thoughts, the emotions, the dramatic adjectives hidden from all, including me. If it was not recorded in print or voice or image I could deny its existence, be they good or evil. Step away and renounce that anything was wrong, that nothing was beyond my ability to cope. I am not alone in this; many survive from day to day disavowing any hint of failure or disappointment regarding their choices and actions.
In the past I have described the subtle feelings surrounding me, from the brilliant star shine thrown into the darkened night sky to the anger I affixed to nature and her torment, as well as the comfort and contentment I shared with her. Those words have been hard to link together in recent weeks, difficult for me to see the joy or passion or insight others might find amongst them.
Take from me what you will, but balance it with your own reality. I caution those who would take my word strings, as unassuming as they may be in my mind and turn them into aspirations or desires of their own. Certainly simply opening your mind and body to the sounds, the images, the total awareness around you as you step out into the winter night, sit wrapped in the cloak of darkness amongst the objects in the room or watch the dust dance through the sun’s rays are not so significant. But when I write of the terrors and demons that approach me from untold hiding places do not make them your own. Do not follow my footsteps right upon left, they may lead you astray. Years of life and experience do not necessarily translate to wisdom.
The words that I might share in the future may startle those that think they know me or they may fall into the descriptive chains that I’ve been known for in the past. Makes no difference, the words will be mine, the feelings will be mine, the interpretation of them is left to you. See them, understand them as you will…