It's late...

It’s late on a Friday night, had a few shots of Jack – more than I should have, but enough to let the words flow more freely. Not sure what I want to say, where the words should lead… Ramble on… feelin old – not ready to die “old”, maybe just tired – but a tired that sleep can’t fix. Wanna close my eyes for a night er a day er longer, wanna have my body wake with no aches, no pains… wanna have my mind be clear, no questions, no maybes, no what ifs… wanna have my heart in tune with the now, not the yesterdays of months and years gone by – pains n questions n lost loves – yet they are what made me what I am, I am nothing without them. Yet who am I? Where am I going?

Run Away

Run away…

Get away, away from an empty house, a house concealing its emptiness behind sparking lights and shiny baubles hung on a counterfeit fir. A place filled with the stagnant melodies proclaiming the joyous season adding to the pretense. A jumbled mess of partially completed projects strewn here and there, corners with cobwebs catching the castoff lint of life – some gratefully hidden behind closed doors. Plaster and brick share the unwanted cold day with the spaces inside, dull gray light seeps in through the windows from outside.

Run away… from the oppressive void that steals the energy of each morning, from the litany of “to do’s” that never seem to get done, from the failures and the errors in judgment. Leave the chill that uncomfortably wracks your body dulling your senses and your mind. From the fear, the lies and falsehoods that everything is alright, the deceptions that you've convinced yourself and others are true. From the exhaustion, the loneliness, the hollowness that makes up every day, every hour, every minute of your depression.

Run away… to see the rising sun from a different perspective, to feel the radiance of a new day, in a new place. Absorb the spontaneous energy from exploring the unknown and savor the small treasures to be found. Abandon the rigidness in favor of impulsiveness, yet spend the daylight wisely. Share the reality of you with those you encounter and relish in their sincere reactions. Give in slowly to the twilight and the mounting darkness; carry the thrill of the day into your dreams.

Run away… only to return… this time…

For a short time

He came home and closed the door behind him,

To shut out the world for a short time,

Turned off the phones, unplugged the PC,

Crawled into his favorite chair with a bottle and a glass,

A playlist of oldies spinning on low in the background,

To watch the evening turn slowly to nighttime,

To sort through the clutter in his mind and heart,

To drift away through memories and images,

To wait for the rise of a new day,

To shut out the world for a short time…

The liquor was bitter and unfulfilling,

He set aside the glass unfinished,

To concentrate on the chaos filling his mind,

As the night’s dark blanket enveloped the room

His consciousness began to melt away,

The storm of thoughts relinquishing their hold,

Eventually surrendering to the darkness and fatigue,

To shut out the world for a short time…

Morning’s sun filtered through the front window,

Waking from the fitful coma still sunken in the chair,

He threw off the fog of sleep rising slowly to meet the new day,

The commotion and confusion of the evening

Replaced by the physical discomforts of age and heat

Turning off the hiss of the amplifier he wondered

What will this day bring?

He only wanted to shut out the world for a short time…